Poison & Wine

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don’t want me to
Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine
Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
I always will
I wish you’d hold me when I turn my back
The less I give the more I get back
Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise
I don’t have a choice but I still choose you
Oh I don’t love you but I always will
I always will

Sometimes, I woke up in the middle of the night wondering…whether I did the right thing. Sometimes in the day, I thought of “what if” situation and the the effect on the present. In the end, I did what I always do. I walked away from the past. It is the past after all. But I know one thing for sure, that nothing taste the same  anymore.  And I have to live my present days with the lingering past.

Snow Patrol – Crack The Shutters

Project 365: Day 3 – Lazy Sunday

Just another lazy Sunday. 2 out of 3 occupants in my room are sleeping still as I’m writing this. Nothing unusual or exciting happened today…except….hmmmm I have this habit of reading “Dear Thelma” section in the Sunday Stars every Sunday. Got it from my mum. We will read and laugh our butt off over the nonsensical letters people “wrote” to this life-relationship advice column. I know it’s bad to laugh at people problems but sometimes, most of the times….it’s stupid (I wonder if it were all made up). And I give it to this Thelma person for indulging it and tried to give sane advices to these people.

But I guess people are more worried about the big recession problem than their own life-relationship problems because the Dear Thelma column wasn’t in the papers today! Well, I still want my usual Sunday anecdote!

The Alchemist

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I read this book long time ago,”The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. Alot reviews said it is a life-changing book. It come with a simple,approached style with a powerful message. I read it once n it left me pondered about my life, my dream, feelings…maybe i was too young to understand it at that time….n after sometime pondering about everything, it flew off like a wind. My only regret is i never re-read it. I think rite now, if i read it again, it will hv a different effect on me. One thing that i always lead to think back abt this book is the story of Narcissus. It is the anecdote at the beginning of the story…n it sure can keep readers curious enough to read the whole book.

The Alchemist picked up a book that someone in the caravan had brought. Leafing through the pages, he found a story about Narcissus. The alchemist knew the legend of Narcissus, a youth who knelt daily beside a lake to contemplate his own beauty. He was so fascinated by himself that, one morning, he fell into the lake and drowned. At the spot where he fell, a flower was born, which was called the narcissus. But this was not how the author of the book ended the story. He said that when Narcissus died, the goddess of the forest appeared and found the lake, which had been fresh water, transformed into a lake of salty tears. “Why do you weep?” the goddess asked. “I weep for Narcissus,” the lake replied. “Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus,” they said, “for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplate his beauty close at hand.” “But… was Narcissus beautiful?” the lake asked. “Who better than you to know that?” the goddess said in wonder. “After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!” The lake was silent for some time. Finally it said: “I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depth of his eyes, my own beauty reflected.” “What a lovely story,” the alchemist thought.

An Epiphany of Girls in Relationship

As the title stated… well, i hope by the end of this post, i did write something that justify the title.

In one episode of ‘Sex n the City’, Carrie need to know why Mr.Big chose to marry someone else instead of her, when both of them know they hv/had something very strong. She asked n he answered, “it just got so hard, n she’s…”

We have crushes, we have the ’so close, yet..’ n even we have ‘I wan but i dowan’ kinds of relationships. In the end, i wonder about my past – why wasnt it me? Maybe if i let my guard down n make the 1st move, will it work? Or maybe i just try it without thinking too much bout it, havin fun…will it. But i know it wont. But then again, what if i’m wrong? sigh*

Sometimes, i wonder how come some gals can change boyfriends like they change their shoes. Of cuz, i’m sceptical bout their relationship but i see that they r happy. N some gals…great qualities – beautiful, smart, talented, funny n they just cant get a guy. We can reason out that the one hasnt come. Some guys r not worthy of the gal. Bla bla bla. But the end result, lament,lament and maybe emo-blogging.

The way i see it – the epiphany of this is that there r 2 types of gals :- a simple gal n a complicated gal

Simple gal is a gal who is not fussy with criteria -just if he is good bla bla bla then is ok. N they r happy. A complicated gal knows what guy she wants, n she just dowan to take unnecessary risks n get heartbroken. I dont deny i’m one of the complicated gals. N we cant change ourselves, maybe we r born like that.

Since I’m one of the complicated ones, let just focus on this. We work so hard to build ourselves..i mean those girls power/women power. Academics, sports, talents, societies, church fellowship for the christian….anything, u name it, we’r there n good at ‘em. We r independant too. But when come to finding the other half, it is so tough. Maybe we r toking of guys’ egos i dunno but it seem, the more ‘powerful’ a gal is, guys just stay away from her. N in the end, u will see the guys holding hands with some gal who has half the qualities of the former. Maybe in term of finding the other half, guys tend to settle with someone who is available n he can show his masculinity. But guys are born to face challenges (hunting animals for food?), so y is it so tough to take up the challenge of losing his pride n know a ‘complicated’ gal? Once the facade is taken off, gals will always be gals no matter wat.

*sigh
It so tough to be a gal sometimes. We must prove ourselves to the world but in front of guys, we must play a weaker roles. But isnt this abit unfair?

Quoted from the same episode of SATC : Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they’re supposed to run wild until they find someone — just as wild — to run with.

Reflections&Musings_

Everything has its beauty, not everyone see it

“Many eyes go through the meadow,but few sees the flower in it” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

In this modern society, there are so many victims of beauty. We actually look good, people who are close to us told us so and we feel good. But once, someone preferbly the opposite sex we admired didnt do so, well, we transform from a ‘I feel good da da dum’ to ‘I hate my thighs..bla bla bla myself” person. Who will be hurt? I can think of 3. Ourselves, those close friends who hv to spend time re-affirming the truth ‘u r beautiful’ and of cuz,God. He spend so much time and effort moulding us to perfection, creating a masterpiece and all He get is ‘Why God, why didnt You make me look like J.Lo?’

So what is beauty and how do the society determine it?? We are brought up to believe anything good is beautiful or anything beautiful is good. N how is someone beautiful? Research stated a person of either gender who is considered as attractive in various cultures has been found to have facial symmetry based on the golden ratio of 1:1.618. Some other determinants are skin tone, body proportions etc. N so, when a person is seen as attractive or unattractive, a whole set of assumptions are brought into play. Across cultures, what is beautiful is assumed to be good. Attractive people are assumed to be more extroverted, popular, and happy. And maybe there is a truth in it, maybe it is due that they receive more attention during their young age and it helped them develop these positive characteristics. But I’m sure even the most beautiful ppl at one time, hated some part of themselves.

Put the beautiful ppl aka supermodels, actress, actors …aside. Let focus on us or the ‘normal’ ppl in tis world. Some fall short in the ‘good-looking’ category but they are gifted in some other ways. Some are indeed beautiful or i shall put it, outstanding in their own style n category. Nevertheless, alot are never happy with their looks or some are still in denial. Must we feel bad n punish ourselves because we didnt look like the ppl in the magazines? I say, screw it. We dress up or spend time beautify ourselves because we wanted to look good n we feel good. Ok,it helped build our self-confidence around the people. But when we found ourselves too indulge in it or we believe we are a wreck when some idiots tell us so…that’s when we need to put our foot down n realize ourselves again.

God created us. He perfectly moulded us to be an individual. An individual worthy of Him. So to speak, we are a masterpiece. Those who are close with us, know us better than ourselves…they see this priceless art in us. There will be some who told us we are beautiful n there will be some who just quietly admired us. It doesnt matter even if nobody told us so. If you want some kind affirmation or confirmation, just look at the eyes who love u. I do believe anything good is beautiful and vice versa,and i believe many ppl believe so too. So if you loved by many, there are a reason for it. A beautiful soul, maybe. A beautiful mind, why not. Alot of ppl can only feel these. We can’t look at it. But thank God that there is one way we can admire it, the inner beauty enchance the beauty of its ’shell’, the face you see in the mirror;

“The moment one give close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself.” ~ unknown.

If someone come n tell u that u’r not beautiful. Take no heed cuz you are not. Not in their eyes anyway. Ask those who love you if you need but believe in urself that you are a masterpiece. And there are some who admire you. This way, you’ll be much happier and He will be ever so proud of you. N you may amaze someone with your smile.

Reflections&Musings_