My Savior My God
What God has willed what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
My Savior loves my Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God He was, my God He is,
My God He’s always gonna be…
Yes living dying let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my king
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
My Savior loves my Savior lives
My Savior’s always there for me
My God He was, my God He is,
My God He’s always gonna be…
My Savior lives, my Savior loves (x2)
My Savior lives…
I always feel that I am the resourceful type of person. I like to find out everything that is new and interesting. I like to be updated. I like to have the newest version of so n so even if I’m completely happy with the current version. Few times, I scold myself for wasting money and download unnecessary, useless newer version of a program. Today was one of the day I like to surf around the internet, checking out updates and interesting news. When I read that a songwriter, Aaron Shust won awards for songwriter of the year and song of the year with “My Savior My God” in Nashville Dove Awards 2007, I need to get hold of that song even though I never heard of a Aaron Shust, and sometimes praise and worship songs can be a disappointment. But I just have to get it. Hehe.
I downloaded it. I listened to it for the 1st time. And it touched me so deeply. If I could write a song from my heart, this will be it (but I think it will be a very horrible, a reason why I am in med school)
I always wonder why I accepted Christ at the first place. Friends from school were shocked especially my Christian friends. My family couldn’t understand it – their headstrong daughter who is a self-proclaimed atheist and been patronizing their religious belief suddenly turned 180degree the next summer. Is it something in the Russia’s air? Was I tortured and brainwashed by fanatics? Alien abduction? I had a feeling that these thoughts were on my family and friends’ minds. For me, as I said I’m still wondering. I always have questions about life but no answers, no reasons. I questioned the existence of God and I knew my reasoning of his non-existence is not complete. Something is missing somewhere. Maybe also that life here is so boring that hey, the CF seem like a nice society to fool around. The people seem so happy there it irritates me wondering why. Or maybe it is something new and interesting?
I could not remember the exact chain of events but I remembered chatting online with a Christian good friend till wee hours debating about God and life. I remembered that her reasons solved some of my missing puzzles. I remembered feeling defeated in my cause but of course, I refused to admit that to her. I was still very skeptical about God’s existence and in my heart, there is this tingling ‘truth’ feeling I couldn’t ignore. Maybe it is this tingling feeling that led me to accept Christ. Weird right? And is it sufficient enough for me to change my direction? It is new and interesting all right but nobody tell me that I have to walk on a path with thorn bushes surrounding me. And it is like the more I learn about Christianity, the more it confuses me.
Like the song, I did find it strange why Christians were raving on and on that, Christ died for us all. Some became emotional about it and they never met Jesus Christ in person. God sent His only Son to die for us is strange. In fact, everything in Christianity is kinda strange and not logical, and that time I just accepted Christ. I thought I accepted the reasons of God and life, I accepted the teachings in the Bible and living in a ‘love bubble’ with one another is enough. But that tingling feeling surfaced again. And I realized people in the CF are not happy as they seem to be. It feels as if they are carrying this huge guilt burden and that is, the guilt of their sins and of course, Christ died for them.
How could one be ever happy if they let themselves carry that kind of burden? And we are not perfect being, wrongdoings bound to happen. Now what?
Yes, I admit I will never be skilled enough to understand God’s wills and plans. Or why He called me to follow Him knowing there are better people that will love Him a lot. I could only look at it retrospectively and said how lucky I am that God did things to make me follow Him. Even tough the path is really surrounded with thorn bushes, it just don’t matter cause simply, my Savior lives, my Savior loves and my Savior always there for me.
Hmmm….I noticed I raved a lot of the ‘disadvantages’ being a Christian and if I’m going to end my testimony with a simple, ‘advantageous’ statement, that is not good right? But I guess it is that simple really. The joy is so deep it is hard to explain. Oh, and I learned something completely different from all the life’s philosophies. I used to think living in the right-and-wrong codes of human conduct (morality) is very important. It is important but the most important thing is my God loves. He loves us even if we sinned. He is the best judge ever.
