Let Go and Move Up

My last post was about the bittered-me trying to justify something, or say something that will mean something. That part of me is gone. Have been contemplating whether or not to delete that post but I think I will leave it. Sort-of to remind myself why I shud let it go, and hehe, I need the numbers.

My theme now is just “Let Go and Move Up”. Elaboration is not necessary here.

It has been a very busy week for me. It is Friday night and I’m exhausted. Both mentally and physically. Luckily I’m having Dental Surgery cycle now, and thank God I have a easy-going teacher and interesting class. I did my first tooth extraction…muahaha! I did 3 extractions to be exact. Ok, although I didnt really do it myself. I have the dentist guiding my hand but I did it. I was holding the forceps. I was injecting the anesthesia solution. I was pulling the tooth out. N I almost wanna puke being so close to the patients’ mouth. Ummph, not that the patient has bad breath. But somehow, the moment the tooth came out from the socket, one kind of smell appeared. Maybe blood mixed with something in the socket…I don’t know though I think I shud know. Blek!
Imagine….this is what I’ll be smelling for the few decades. I guess I better get used to it. Haha.

One of my personal task now is to restore my faith in God (part…a big part of the ‘moving up’ thingy). N as Aze mentioned it long time before, the best way is to serve Him besides the usual constant devotions. To be exact, be active in the Christian Fellowship(CF) and church. With the new “management” now (we had an election for this new semester, and I am the secretary…again.darn~ I hate writing minutes), things in the CF has been quite different but in the UP direction. All the leaders are ‘fired-up’ now, a lot of activities planned and on the move, a lot of new faces and a lot of spiritual lives restore. There are 2 new teams – hospitality and media teams. We’ll be having a spring concert soon…end of April. And next week in conjunction with Easter weekend, we’ll be having a youth camp for believers and non-believers – the theme will be about relationship (BGR). And was quite suprised that a lot of ppl are joining. Hopefully everything will turn out alright. I guess, all this wouldnt happen if not because of His blessing, prayers from church leaders and if I can say so, a zealous president.

Me being me….I cant lay my hand off the media stuff. hehe~ The next few days, I’ll be quite busy setting a blogsite for the CF. New challenge man. READ: WORDPRESS. All this time using blogspot, now I have to learn how to use wordpress. Yeah, I know….wordpress is supposely user-friendly but hey, I have a blogspot loyalty membership card k(metaphorically) N I duwan it to be just a blogsite…I wan it to be a good blogsite for the CF. Designing the theme, layout, maintain it properly and make sure it is active. Like people say, if we know we are doing for God, we will want to do the best we can. *sweating edi

Speaking of which, I dun think it can be called a miracle yet but wow…it feel too good to be true. When we decided to do a website/blogsite, we were thinking of doing it properly. Getting a webhost service and our own domain. And although the rates are about 100USD a year but that is alot for us n scary! Here, we have bookworms, no computer geeks. Not willing to risk so much money. Thinking of getting some sponsorship or something, and the moment, I mentioned the blog and webhost idea to our pastor….he said he just bought a webhost service from Yahoo! for our church’s website. YAHOO! Meaning we cud just start the blog with the service…FOC. Hopefully in the next few days, the blog will be up and running in time for the Eastern weekend.
*sweating alot now

Ok, forgive me but I’m really excited now and all fired-up. hehe~ And all this excitement make me wana have my own domain too. Anyone care to sponsor me?

A Rambler Rambling

Today is a good day to ramble around. I have alot things to think, alot of things I duwan to think about and alot of things I am forced to think about. I dun have an exact header, points to say or something intelligent to write. Keeping quiet is maybe the wisest thing to do but I want to ramble.

I dunno how some people can always come up with something intelligent around the usual LIFE,WORLD, GOD, PEOPLE. FEELING words. Take for example, Grey’s Anatomy – every episode opened with someone saying something that sometimes, hit ur head n u have to utter “wow, that is so true!”. Of cuz they(the script writers) r professional. But I wondered what kind of mind or life they have to think of such things??? Actually, it is just for fleeting moment…I dun really care.

I did a spiritual gift test recently. It is a test to assess how well do u know urself or “ur gifts”. No, not ur talents. Dun understand? Then google it…I think they will give u some free online tests n bible verses from Book of Corinthian. Surprisingly, I scored very high on “PERCEPTION” or “DISCERNMENT”. My friend told me that my pastor’s wife told her a day before the Bible study I have that gift. I dont know exactly wat it mean but I was told I can “see people”. Not the I-can-see-them-SixthSense-type. But I can perceived a person’s action n his/her thots pretty well. I dun think it mean I can read people’s minds. Tat will be pretty scary huh….for u n for me.

Is it true? Maybe. Maybe not. Who know such things? Well, I think I do have it lor. But I think everybody can…if they just take away all those mind-numbing social niceties from their system. N think of humans nothing but selfish, self-absorbed and competitive. We r tuned into this system…believe it or not. Since when we really care if one of our friend is sick? We say things like ‘hope u’ll get better’ to the person who been whining about her headache because we shud be nice. U r not really interested in her headache. N she not is not really interested to want to tok to u about it. She wants ur attention, the feeling that her friend care about her, someone in the world care about her headache. N you say those meaningless, insincere, overly-used courteous phrases so u n the other person can move on with life.
…Yah if u take it all out, u can perceived anyone’s thots very well. So is it a gift or a curse? Because I dont really see the good points for it. It will eventually lead to the truth about people and bittered with the world.

My life seem to be constantly governed. By money, parents, friends, God and society. I keep on saying I dun give a damn…but I am forced to. If there is option out of this, I will really want to take it but at the same time, I will hesistate. I dunno why. I am rambling remember. Sometimes, right now with everything I said, I posted…What am I?

By the looks of it, I cant say I’m…

• a Christian cuz I dun feel the love~
• a human cuz I feel I’m a misanthropic
• a good friend cuz if my friend told me so….then?

Do I really care? Probably I will just shove it under the carpet till something something kua.

CnP: Putting Christ in the very center of our lives

*Thanks to the blog author of HaveFaith, I hope he/she dont mind I ‘took’ it. N sorry, I didnt know the link to the site wasnt working. I put it the wrong address.
I find this article very meaningful…maybe to me, eversince coming to Christ, I always struggle with this concept. Like what the author said, I managed to put Him in my life for 2-3days and then, I’m back with my old habits. Maybe to non-believers, they wont understand how I feel. To me, the idea ‘live like no tomorrow’ or ’seize the day’ is just NOT enough for me. I came to Christ because I feel ‘empty’ and was seeking answer. God is the answer I found out. But, what I didnt understand…is that I still feel empty.
I believe this is the reason why. It is also the reason y I keep blaming Him and everyone when things went wrong, or thinking I shud just quit it because maybe I was wrong..maybe He is not the answer. But by thinking this way, it wouldnt make me feel any better….Maybe the best way is to not be so stubborn n change my way.

I was just watching an online Christian broadcast earlier today and the message for the day was a very important one; it’s something we all know by heart as practicing Christians, but it’s something we don’t often practice, either it’s simply because its too difficult, or we just don’t “see” the importance in it, and that is putting Christ the center of our lives. It’s interesting enough most of us Christians, while week after week being constantly reminded to put God in the very center of our lives by our pastors and priests, we just “can’t seem to do it”. I for one, will only go so far in putting Christ first; the effect will wear off after 2-3 days and before I know it, I’ll be back to my old self habits. And it’s strange in a way, because it’s not like we do not want Christ. It also doesn’t appear that we’re ignoring the Great I Am. I’m often reminded of the great young ruler (Mark 10:17), who despite having everything in life, still went up to Jesus and still wanted to know what more he could do earn eternal life. That very young ruler’s heart is in all of us. We all have ambitions, we all want to be successful in life, but at the same time, we also want God. But what does Jesus say instead? “Go sell everything you own, give it to the poor, and come follow me” To follow Jesus does not mean one should live in poverty. To follow Jesus is to put Him first, to put him in that very center part of our lives, and too often, we don’t really give Jesus that spot. Not too say we don’t love Him or we don’t honour Him, but it’s just that we often put other things; relationships, career plans, money, our basic primary needs; it’s often those things that occupy our hearts. But don’t you feel frustrated, despite still having that dream job, or having finally met that special someone; despite having a huge bonus, a fat paycheck, an ultra-cool sports car, despite having everything, don’t you just feel empty, depressed, frustrated with life? That’s because when God created our hearts, right at the center, He created a spot, a special spot that means so much to us, and He first filled it with His presence. But because of sin and pride, man somehow lost that spot that God once held and often time that spot is empty. The spot never has a permanent resident, and even if it does, it feel empty. And even today, we still continue to feel that void, because the wrong resident is staying in that spot. Perhaps it’s time we invite the true resident of that spot. Perhaps its time we realize that Christ and Christ alone needs and CAN occupy that spot. Perhaps it’s time we give God His rightful spot in us.

Indulging Faith_

Travelled Destination: Greece – "The Making"

This will be the 1st part of my holiday to Greece recently. Spent 14days in this really really beautiful country. Never expected it to be that wow~ wonderful. If I have a chance, I will come back again….visit those places we couldnt esp Santorini. Maybe for my honeymoon! hahaha day-dreaming edi…
Maybe compare to Russia, everywhere look and feel nicer, better n wonderful….sigh~

Our group consists of 4 gals and a guy. Noooo the guy is not lucky to have 4 gals surrounding him…boyfriend of one..so u know la. N he was our official slave …..we cudnt have did it better without him la.

First of all, our trip werent smooth at all. We had some problems getting visa to go out from Russia (ewww…) Seriously, i think the dean people…they meet up jz to come with ideas how to screw their students. We also had problem with air-tickets. But one thing, thank God we knew about the problem before we went to Moscow and thank God again, the problems managed to ‘go away’.

Planning the trip werent that easy as I thought. I guess I have been spoiled since young. All I have to do during family holidays is pack my clothes, sit in the car and grumble the whole way. I grumbled on the way to Cameron Highland cuz it’s boring(been there many times) and getting motion sickness. I grumbled bcuz of the long long journey to Terengganu and being woken up at 3am…cuz dad wana make it for the 10am boat ride. Except grumbling, I took no part in planning where to go, where to stay, what to do and of cuz, the financial matters. I just grumbled.
sigh~ while planning for this trip…I miss the good ol’ times. Anything can happen with mum around. hehe.

The 1st task was to determine which places to visit. Choosing the city, the tourist attractions, the duration of visit, the transport, etc etc etc. Our original idea was to follow the footsteps of Paul in his missionary trip to Greece. Unfortunately, the cities he visited was either in ruins or it was very far away from the town n there were no public transport.
Goin there in winter has a disadvantage – most of the tourist places close very early in the day (3pm). And transportation-wise, either reduce amount of trips made or stopped service (for ferries). So taken that into consideration, we had to be very careful planning the cities we want to visit and booking hotels.
Also, we werent sure how many days should we spend on a city…originally we planned to visit 6 cities. In the end, we only managed to do 4. sigh…had to sacrifice Santorini. sniff sniff.

Luckily my mum sent a travel guidebook to me Lonely Planet:Greece…wow…that book really helped us with the planning. And it helped us to knowing the best place to visit, best and cheapest place to eat and…it helped us not to get lost. hehe.

I only found out I dont know how to book hotels. Was so used to my mum doing all this stuff. I dun know the difference between twin, double, shared, ensuite….bla bla bla. I dun know how to deal with hotel booking. Some websites have to pay by room, some pay by number. ppl staying. I wasnt sure if we book a twin room but 3 people staying..since we pay by room. I didnt do that la…scared they think we so ulu n kiamsap people.hehe.

Going to Greece during winter was to me…perfect timing. eventhough some places esp islands was closed and transportation problem. It was not as cold as in Russia…it feel like spring actually. It’s quiet and not alot of tourists, we had undivided attention from hotel managers and local people who are very proud of their country.

Although the trip went smoothly…I think we did some costly mistakes esp transportation-wise.

What I learned from olanning and after the trip was:

1. Always choose the hotel situated in the city. Dun be fooled by the cheap bargains. We booked this hotel because of its cheap rates n we ended up spendin more on transportation n food. cuz it is situated in tourist beach area….something like Batu Ferringhi in Penang…N the town was a dead town during winter.
2. Because we were so scared about the trans and we wanted to settle this prob, we booked internal flights to 2 cities. We shud have waited till we r in Greece n think how to travel
   around. Greeks travel around the cities mah….sure got way la.
3. Bring a good guidebook. It may be expensive but it will sure save u alot of troubles n money.
4. Make sure have a good company to go with. I learned to be more patient, be more tactful
   n dun depends on other so much. Not to say I dun have a good company…I had one. I was jz thinking if I didnt, the whole holiday will be in tatters. We make a good team….Aze is
   caring, logical, tactful and smart. She is the PR of the group. Rayyank is “the guy”…n he is
   streetwise..the one leading the pack. Eileen..hehe the joker of the group and someone we can all ‘tembak’, YingRui the treasurer…good at keeping track of our expenses and logical person. Me…(still in ‘kembang’ phase) I have the book mah so I planned ahead abit, givin ideas what to do and where to go la…We always decide together,k. If I must say so…I am smart too. Hehe.

I guess that’s about it – The Making of Travelled Destination: Greece. Our flight was on 22nd of January. We went to Moscow and stayed for a night, then the next early morning, we flew to Athens, Greece. Wow…I still could feel it. The excitement and the feeling of uncertainty spending 2weeks in a foreign country, dunno their language, no friends there. It was worse than coming to Russia for the 1st time…at least we cud utter a few Russian and we knew some teachers edi.
Nevertheless, it was a pleasant unforgettable experience.

Next – Travelled Destination: Athens, Greece.

My LifeLog_

‘Kembang’ Post…..hehe

It’s actually a very delayed news but too bad cuz right now,I am into tis self-perasan/self-kembang/self-indulgence phase. Meaning I want to think highly of myself n brag about it. Muahahaha. (kembang=literally translated as ‘float‘ from Malay language….so it kinda mean bragging or on cloud nine)

I received this email 3months ago….about this so-called Christian Bloggers inviting me to join their blogroll. Proof! Proof!

It reads:

Dear blog author: We recently came across your site, fabled-facade.blogspot.com, while searching for fellow christian bloggers. A small group of us have started a new site called Christian Bloggers. Our prayer and intent is to bring Christians closer together, and make a positive contribution to the Internet community. While many of us have different “theologies”, we all share one true saviour. Would you be interested in joining Christian Bloggers? Please take a few minutes to have a look at what we are trying to do, and if you are interested, there is a sign up page to get the ball rolling. We would greatly appreciate your support in this endeavour. May God Bless you and your blogging efforts. We look forward to hearing from you. Craig Cantin Christian Bloggers

I know u guys reading this will be thinking, ‘Wat so big deal about?‘ Well, it is a BIG DEAL for me. It is not easy for ur blog to be searched n invited to join a blogroll. N it is different to join a blogroll and being invited to join it. But Christian Bloggers??? U may asked.

I was kinda shocked too when I read it. I thought they got the wrong blog. Yeah, I did claim to be a Christian in my blog n I did blog about faith. I did received a comment that someone stayed away from my blog cuz he thinks it is too heavy. (present tense cuz i think he still does)

But I think I have read a more serious christian blogs. They talked, they spread the gospels and they relate everything in their lives with Christianity. I, on the otherhand…hehehe…if u r one my avid reader, u will know that I dont fit into this category. Hehe…I’m guilty of profanities..

But wat the heck, I didnt ask to be invited and of course, I graciously accepted it. *Kembang Kembang

*with award-receiving-speech’s voice…..Well, I hope I will not disappoint those who ah-hem~ think of me as a Christian Blogger. I will utmostly try to reduce my profanities and help spread the Word in the future.

~Hehe….’kembang’ post end~

My F1 Predicament

sigh…..you know, normally I will be very excited during the month of March. Cuz I will get to watch my one and only favourite sport on tv, internet and be the 1st one to tear the sports section fortnightly. Yeap…I am talking about FORMULA ONE. The opening race of the season happens every March.

Eventhou I dont get to watch it eversince I came to Russia…I’m still a diehard fan. Yeah, I used to booked the tv every two Sundays from 7.oopm till 10.oopm. In the morning, the sports section will be mysteriously disappeared. On Monday, my poor frens have to hear me yakking about the race esp when my man won.

N guess wat, whether or not my frens watch or like to watch F1, all of them knew who is my man n my team. Hehe….I taught them well to remember this:

KIMI RAIKKONEN McLAREN MERCEDES TEAM

And I’m against Michael Schumacher and his Ferrari team. They are my enemies. Those who support them are my enemies. Not the aggresive kinds la…..

So this 2007 season…Shumy decided he is old edi and retired. Fine with me. Dun care.
But AAARrrghHhh…guess which driver the Ferrari decided to replace Shumy????!!!!!??

It’s my man. He become a Ferrari driver!!!!! He left McLaren n become a Ferrari guy.

WHY!? Why?! Why?!

He become this…….
sigh….do anyone understand my predicament?? Is like in football world…u r a diehard Arsenal n Thierry Henry fan whole life…n suddenly that he go n join M.United! U can support Arsenal n MU new guy Henry rite? I CANT SUPPORT MCLAREN N FERRARI at the same time la. Haiyoh…..

My LifeLog_, Rantrantrant_

Nine Crimes

*yeah…havent been blogging for a very long time. N I dont know I have been missed so much. hehe. You wouldnt believe what I have went thru for the past 3 months but well, past is the past. I have lots of things to blog about, alot of things NOT to blog about…and alot of things to think n reflect about. But hopefully, my life will be back to normal.

Found a new flash Mp3 player which is cute, plus their websites offer file-hosting and alot of goodies. The old one was good too but I dun like the sound quality. Check this out if you wana have music on ur blog,website watever… e-snips. Learn how to do it from this site:Blogger Tips and Tricks: Add Music to your blog.

If ya interested, Google have alots of gadgets that u can add in ur webpage (I jz found out about it!) Go to here:Google Gadgets *

I first heard abt this song “Nine Crimes” by Damien Rice in one of the episode from Grey’s Anatomy Season 3….n I was totally captivated by it. Yeah, it is a sad song but something abt this song that make it different than other sad songs. Maybe it’s melody or something…I can just listen to it forever n it brought out something inside me. It’s just hauntingly beautiful. Hmmmm…

Leave me out with the waste

This is not what i do
It’s the wrong kind of place
To be thinking of you
It’s the wrong time
For somebody new
It’s a small crime
And I’ve got no exuse

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it’s loaded

Is that alright?

If you dont shoot it how am i supposed to hold it

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it’s loaded

Is that alright

Is that alright with you?

Leave me out with the waste

This is not what I do

It’s the wrong kind of place

To be cheating on you

It’s the wrong time

but she’s pulling me through

It’s a small crime

And I’ve got no exuse

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it’s loaded

Is that alright?

If you dont shoot it how am I supposed to hold it

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it’s loaded

Is that alright

Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?

Is that alright?

Is that alright with you?

Is that alright?Is that alright?

Is that alright with you?

No…

I think the song is about two people who were in a relationship and that they love each other. But they realised that it wasnt enough. They realised that their relationship or love havent/couldnt/wouldnt reach the full potential…the gun represents their love for one another. Strong but cud be dangerous if unleashed it at wrong person. Also if the partner aint an active participant…how cud the other release it (If you dont shoot it how am I supposed to hold it) I guess their frustration led to their break-up…or although they are seeing someone new…they feel guilty maybe guilty for not being good enuf for the ex, and guilty that they are betraying their new partners cuz they still love each other. A crime which they have no excuse of defending themselves, cuz they dont even know. The constant questioning of “is that alright with you?” is a desperate plea. it’s a cry out, “if you cared about me, you wouldn’t leave me like this”. They’re prying for information, does the other feel the same. At the end, the no…. they know it is not alright and it wont be alright until something happens….

Music Reflections_, Blogger/Blogosphere_, Reflections&Musings_